A few days before I left, someone asked what lesson God had been teaching me lately. I answered easily, “letting go of control.” After all, that was all I had been talking about–how this wasn’t my plan, that I felt like I had no control over what was happening or what would happen in the future. However, the more I thought about it, there was so much more than that. Loss of control was the top of the iceberg, but below that was the process of dealing with my animosity against vulnerability, weakness, and trust.
When the typhoon hit and our living standards plummeted to that of a developing country, it forced me to put into action the advice that a good college friend told me before I left–don’t let technology keep you from what is right in front of you. It forced me to move beyond the walls of isolation that I had built up around myself.
During those last few weeks, I could no longer spend hours watching Doctor Who reruns, playing games on my phone, or checking Facebook and messaging those from home. Instead, I was forced to do what I should have been doing from the beginning–investing in relationships and spending time with those around me. In reaching out, I built friendships, found encouragement, and learned to be more open about my imperfections, struggles, and pain. I allowed myself to be vulnerable as I confronted conflict and spoke honestly about my feelings.
In these times when I am completely out of my comfort zone, God steps in with his courage, strength, and peace. And when I allow myself to be weak and vulnerable, to trust in him, I find freedom. Because he is greater than I, his plans are higher than my own. So that’s my prayer: that I step away from comfortability, take risks, be vulnerable, and move towards trusting God completely. Lord, let me be weak, because in my weakness, you are strongest.